I really envy my boyfriend’s ability to fall asleep in a matter of minutes.
No, really, this guy can knock out in under five minutes. This is a skill I have never had.
Trust me, as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I really do love my sleep. Naps are my favorite activity because of my highly escapist personality. But sleep definitely does not love me as much as I love it.
The instant my head hits the pillow my brain starts reeling with thousands of thoughts I have never considered before. My body could be completely exhausted, but regardless my brain will go a million miles per hour. I will think about the death of loved ones, my inevitable fear of adulthood, that childhood memory at the museum, and how I will make my next week meaningful.
There is no topic off limits when I am trying to sleep.
My brain relentlessly nags at me and reminds me of all the horrors and joys of life. And the more horrors that come to mind the more likely it is for me to be sent into an anxiety attack.
And once the anxiety attack happens, sleep is about two hours away.
Am I alone in this terrible spiral of nighttime happenstance?
My mind becomes my own worst enemy. And the earlier I need to be awake the longer my brain will take to shut off. It is so self-defeating and, you guessed it, exhausting.
If you have any advice, please offer it up. But chances are I have already heard and tried it. (It is the thought that counts.)
Thankfully it never lasts the entire night and eventually I catch up to the sleep that cleverly tries to evade me.